(from Fall Fundraising 2019 Newsletter #1)
I have learned to get on the floor more with him.
– Hedy, mother of River
I have learned to observe more and entertain less.
I have learned to be present with him.
We’re hoping to persuade you to support us by unpacking our tagline:
Starting with the first sentence, what do we mean by “be with”?
“Being with” is a counter-balance to “doing to” and “doing for.” It’s an alternative to already thinking we know what is needed, to going in with an intention of fixing or of making progress happen.
“Being with” means starting with what is present. Where is the baby’s attention – close in, or far away? Are they doing something? Have they finished whatever they are doing? Do they need anything?
How can we tell where they are and what they are doing? We have to be willing to slow down, get down on their level, imagine what their timing is, consider their capacity for more stimulus, recognize when they are busy… get inside their experience. (What is true about meeting a baby is also true for every person we meet. When we say ‘baby,’ we also mean all of us, babies of all ages.)
“Being with” means bringing our own presence and awareness to the situation. What do we need to do in ourselves to be with a baby? How can we be present so the baby can feel, see, and perceive us? What do we need, want, or expect from the baby? (How would it be if we didn’t need a smile, kiss, or wave from them?)
When we’re holding and handling a baby, we’re quite literally being with them as their environment. And when we’re facilitating a baby’s movement development, we’re being with them in our intention to shape their environment, in contrast to teaching them, entertaining them, or putting them in a position.
What is “being with” not? Being with a baby is not leaving them alone, and assuming they’ll work it out in solitude. It’s not doing it for them, and it’s not teaching them the right way to do something. It’s a practice, being with them while they figure it out – it matters that we’re there, that we’re a part of their environment, and that we’re available to support and respond to them.
Please note – while we’re advocating for “being with” as a vital factor in a baby’s development, we recognize that this co-exists with a whole lot of “doing for” necessary to keep a baby nourished, warm, safe, and comfortable. And the mix of “being with” and “doing for” keeps changing. How would it be if “being with” were a starting point we all had as a resource?
Babies Project is here to help babies and their caregivers explore being with each other as a foundation for their relationship. Will you support Babies Project so we can continue to question and articulate how we can be in the world together – and what this means about being with babies?
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